I became the black sheep of the family after my mother died. How do I tactfully ask my grandmother if I am still in her will?

When I was a teenager, my mother was terminally ill. During that time, I remember a few family meetings with my grandparents, my mother, and my aunts and uncles to discuss my grandparents’ property. I was then placed on the list because it was learned that my mother was last, and that I would receive my mother’s share of my grandparents’ inheritance when the time came.

My mother passed away shortly after my 18th birthday in 2002. In the years that followed my mother became ill and the first years after that, I dealt with my grief in a number of ways. beneficial for health. I became the black sheep of the family, and did not have any contact with my mother’s family from 2004 to 2009.

In 2009, my grandfather passed away and the lines of communication were opened again. I’ve completely turned my life around since the early 2000s and I’m doing pretty well for myself. Communication was strained for a few years, but now it’s pretty open.

‘I’ve completely turned my life around since the early 2000s, and I’m doing pretty well for myself.’

I didn’t really think about my inheritance until last year, when my grandmother and uncle – my grandma’s financial manager – started sending all their grandchildren and their families gifts. with big money. They said they sent the money to avoid taxes (I was calculating estate taxes when my grandmother passed away, but I really didn’t know my grandmother had such a large estate).

They’ve spent up to the maximum amount excluding gift tax over the past two years, giving money to me, my husband, and both of my children (along with all the other grandmothers in the family). This amount is really a blessing for us.

I want to ask if my aunt and uncle will be included in my grandmother’s inheritance when she passes, but I don’t know how to handle it skillfully. I was always drawn into conversations about money as a teenager, but after my mother passed away and I spent my wild years, I was no longer involved.

I don’t know if I’m still taking my mom’s share, or if they’ve set something up for the nieces, or if they’ve completely removed me. Is there even an ingenious way to have a conversation?

Thanks for your advice.


Dear niece,

First, I want to ask myself a question: How much do you need to talk to your uncles and grandmothers as a result of guilt or shame with years of grief when you act? Guilt and shame are the never-ending revolving doors of emotions. If you stay stuck in that vortex, it will never get you where you want to be, and will affect your perception of the people around you.

Joining hands, how likely is it that you really didn’t go with your grandmother, since you and your family were included in your grandmother’s annual gift? If your grandma doesn’t trust you with the money, she’ll set up a trust – or not include you in this annual gift at all. Seems more likely than not to be consists of.

The third and potentially more relevant question is: Will the children receive their parents’ share of the estate? The last word on this is “yes.” You are included and, despite the difficult years of sparse or non-existent communication, you have re-established relationships and built a good life for yourself. That takes hard work, humility, and hope.

Inheritance and competition for the smallest items can cause a family rift. Of course, people often talk less about items and more about lingering malice about who was treated better or worse as children, and sibling rivalry. Andrea Coombes addresses inheritance query mechanics without (hopefully) sounding like a mercenary in this MarketWatch article.

‘You’ve re-established relationships and built a good life for yourself. That takes hard work, humility, and hope. ‘

Among her chat guidelines: Ask for a special meeting rather than bring it up quickly (no one likes to let their guard down); listen to, validate, and validate your grandmother’s feelings and wishes so she doesn’t feel excused or explained her plan; direct, honest and vulnerable; and don’t go into the specifics of what you may or may not get.

I would also like to add: Thank your grandmother for her annual gifts, and ask what Friend What can be done to help? she. Of course, there’s no point acting like this conversation is designed to make your grandma feel better or help her plan an estate. That would be passive aggressive and be considered tampering. But show that you want to continue building the relationship.

Say something like this: “Our relationship and your support mean a lot to me. I’m proud of how far I’ve come since those tough days, and I hope mom will be too. I feel awkward asking you about this, but I was wondering if it was your intention that I take on Mother’s inheritance. ” You may not even need that last line.

Again, be sure about why You need to know the answer to this question. Is it because of things they have said or done in recent years, because of the time you lost contact with your family, or because you still feel bad about those difficult, painful years? Living your best life, and making yourself and your family proud, is more productive than any question.

You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions regarding the coronavirus at [email protected] and follow Quentin Fottrell on Twitter.

Payment procedures Moneyist’s personal Facebook group, where we seek answers to life’s toughest money problems. Readers write to me with all sorts of dilemmas. Post your questions, let me know what you’d like to know more about or consider on the latest Moneyist columns.

Moneyist regrets that he is unable to answer individual questions.

More movies by Quentin Fottrell:

• My married sister is supporting our parents’ most precious possessions on her own. How do I stop her from robbing their house?
• My mother asked my grandfather to sign a trust leaving millions of dollars for two nieces, alienating others.
• My brother’s ex-fiancée is embezzling money from their business. How do we find hidden accounts?
• ‘Grandma just passed away, leaving behind a 7-figure fortune. Needless to say, things are getting messy’ I became the black sheep of the family after my mother died. How do I tactfully ask my grandmother if I am still in her will?

Bouton retour en haut de la page